व्यंग्य: बिहार के चुनाव में मछली मारक दल

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नवेन्दु उन्मेष
बिहार के चुनाव में मछली मारक दल के गठबंधन की महत्वपूर्ण भूमिका होने
वाली है। अगर इस दल का गठबंधन चुनाव में ज्यादा से ज्यादा सीटें जीतकर
सत्ता में आयेगा और यहां के लोगों का समुचित विकास करेगा। उक्त बातें
मछली मारक दल के प्रमुख मसरख लाल एक चुनावी सभा को आनलाइन संबोधित करते
हुए कह रहे थे। उन्होंने कहा कि अब तक बिहार में जितनी सरकारें बनीं
उन्होंने बिहार के विकास पर कोई ध्यान नहीं दिया। मैं तो कहूंगा कि उनके
पास विकास की कोई रूपरेखा थी ही नहीं। यहीं कारण है कि यहां भुखमरी,
बेरोजगारी और अन्य समस्याएं मौजूद हैं। यहां की सरकारों ने सिर्फ
जातिवाद, व्यक्तिवाद और  पलायनवाद को आगे बढ़ाया।
मसरख लाल ने कहा कि बिहार के एक हिस्सा जहां बाढ़ आती हैं तो दूसरे हिस्से
में अच्छी खेती होती है। इसका लाभ यहां के बेरोजगार कैसे उठा सकते हैं यह
मेरा दल भलीभांति जानता है। जिस इलाके में बाढ़ आती है वहां मेरा दल चुनाव
लड़ रहा है और जिस इलाके बाढ़ नहीं आती है वहां मैंने चूहामार दल के साथ
गठबंधन कर रखा है। अब दोनों दलों के बीच गठबंधन हो जाने से जिस इलाके में
बाढ़ आती है वहां के बेरोजगारों को ज्यादा फायदा होने वाला है और जिस
इलाके में खेती होती है वहां चूहामारक दल के उम्मीदवार चुनाव जीतने के
बाद अच्छा काम करेंगे और विकास में चार चांद लगायेंगे।
अपने चुनावी भाषण में उन्होंने बताया कि बाढ़ग्रस्त इलाके में बेरोजगारों
को मछली मारने का प्रशिक्षण दिया जायेगा ताकि वे आधुनिक तकनीक के माध्यम
से मछली मार सकें। बरसात के दिनों में बाढ़ आने के खतरे को भांप लिया
जायेगा और युवाओं को मछली मारने का प्रशिक्षित काम में लगा दिया जायेगा
ताकि वे बाढ़ का लाभ उठायें और मछली मारना शुरू कर दें। प्रशिक्षण में
युवाओं को बताया जायेगा कि लक्ष्य बराबर बड़ा रखना है। मछली पकड़ने के लिए
बड़े बर्तनों का उपयोग करना है। छोटे बर्तन रखने से अगर बड़ी मछली पकड़ी गयी
तो उसे रखना मुश्किल हो जायेगा। इस प्रकार बाढ़ में भी रोजगार के अवसर
बढ़ेंगे। पकड़ी गयी मछलियों को बेचने के लिए सरकार के द्वारा बाजार उपलब्ध
कराया जायेगा।
इसके बाद गठबंधन में शामिल चूहा मारक दल के मूसामार जी ने अपना भाषण षुरू
किया और अपने दल की विकास से संबंधित रणनीति से लोगों को अवगत कराया।
उन्होंने कहा कि अभी आपने बाढ़ग्रस्त इलाके में रोजगार के अवसर बढ़ानें के
संबंध में मसारख लाल जी के विचारों को सुना। अब मैं बताता हॅूं कि जिस
इलाके में खेती होती है वहां खेतों में चूहे भी काफी तादाद में आ जाते
हैं। चूहे वैसे भी हमारे देश के विकास में बाधक होते हैं। ये जहां-जहां
जाते हैं लोगों को नुकसान पहुंचाते हैं। यहां तक कि आपने सुना होगा कि
चूहों ने अस्पताल में भी नवजात शिशुओं को कुतर दिया है। अन्न भंडरों में
घुसकर खाद्यान को नुकसान पहुंचाया है। इसलिए हमारे दल का एजेंडा होगा कि
चूहामारने के लिए बेरोजगारों को रोजगार दिया जायेगा। चूहा मारने की कीमत
मेरी सरकार बनाने के बाद तय की जायेगी। इसके लिए एक चूहा मारक आयोग का
गठन किया जायेगा। इसका अध्यक्ष ऐसे रिटायर्ड अधिकारी को मनाया जायेगा
जिसने अपने कार्यकाल में ज्यादा से ज्यादा चूहे या मच्छर मारे हों। इससे
लाभ यह होगा कि जो युवा बेरोजगार घर में बैठे हैं उन्हें चूहा मारने का
काम मिल जायेगा। वे दिनभर में जितने चूहे खेतों से मारेंगे उसकी गिनती के
अनुसार सरकार उसका भुगतान करेगी। इससे चूहों के कारण अन्न को होने वाले
नुकसान से बचाया जा सकेगा।
उनकी बातों को सुनकर तालियों की गड़गड़ाहट हुई। आनलाइन सभा में मौजूद लोगों
ने उनकी इस योजना का जमकर स्वागत किया और कहा कि बिहार के विकास के लिए
ऐसी क्रांतिकारी योजना की शुरूआत करने के लिए किसी दल ने सोचा ही नहीं
था। इससे लाभ यह भी होगा कि बाढ़ के इलाके में युवा नाव बनाकर भी मछली मार
सकेंगे और अपनी बेरोजगारी मिटा सकेंगे। इससे नाव बनाने वालों को भी फायदा
पहुंचेगा। इससे पड़ोसी राज्य झारखंड के लोगों का भीे लाभ होगा। वहां घनघोर
जंगल है। उसकी लकड़ियों की खरीदारी बिहार करेगा। इसके बाद चूहामारक गठबंधन
दल के नेताओं ने चुनावी मैदान में जाने की घोषणा की।
नवेन्दु उन्मेष
शारदा सदन, इन्द्रपुरी-एक
रातू रोड, रांची-834005
झारखंड
संपर्क-9334966328

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